June 8, 2016

Free Sawft Crabs Anyone?

The MLB’s new Punch n’ Munch rule is really getting out of hand. It all started during the Orioles and Royals game at Oriole Park last night. Yordano Ventura must have seen a giant Zika-bearing mosquito on Manny Machado’s side, because he threw a pitch straight at his hip (hope he got the sucker), and of course, a brawl ensued. At first, it looked like Machado, the catcher, and the umpire were going to approach Ventura with a West Side Story-style number. After the dust cleared, alas, a self-promotional opportunity rose from the ashes! Jimmy’s Seafood, a Baltimore favorite, immediately took to Twitter with this:

Since when are we in Brooklyn? Anyway, does this sound familiar? Are we encouraging hungry baseball players to fight for their meals? With the contracts they sign, they own and operate their own restaurants! There’s no need for violence. Next, it’ll be Salmon and Trout from the LA Angels, double teaming some poor guy to get free chow from a local fish market. Speaking of fish…

Jaws 5: Revenge of the Penguins

This year’s Stanley Cup Finals have been a one-sided affair so far, with the Penguins dominating the Sharks, in San Jose’s first playoff appearance in franchise history. I’ve haven’t seen such a terrible series featuring sharks since Sharknado. It’s very possible (okay, it’s likely) that the Penguins will win the Stanley Cup 4-1. If they don’t, it’ll be a worse choke on the ice than a penguin that swallowed a rock. At this point, a hat trick won’t help San Jose… they need a magic trick. Or Batman. Batman knows how to handle penguins:

Open Mouth, Insert Football

Jim Harbaugh is known, among other things, for his outspokenness. Recently, he has drawn much criticism for his “satellite camps” (is that where my satellite TV signal goes during the summer?) Recently, his brother John Harbaugh (head coach of the Balitmore Ravens) was asked why he doesn’t have a Twitter. “Maybe one day it would be fun,” John Harbaugh said. “I’d probably get myself in trouble; say something controversial.” He then proceeded to defend his brother’s satellite camps, mentioning that the Baltimore City Police Commissioner and his officers where there at some of the camps.”How about that? Rallying the police and the Baltimore youth together,” John Harbaugh said. “You have [to] dig pretty darn deep to find a criticism on that one.”
…you were so close John.