You Wanna Mouthpiece of Me?
Mr. Stephen Curry, a member of the class-act Golden State Warriors team, expressed his love for the hard work and dedication of the Association’s referees last Thursday Night, by tossing his mouth guard. This would not be worth talking about, if his mouth guard hadn’t struck a fan. But hey, at least it didn’t hit any of the Cavaliers’ owners’ sons…oh it did? This is getting good. The only thing that would have made it better, is if the son had started a brawl with Curry, then the benches emptied, and Draymond Green suddenly appeared to kick the guy in the nuts. Now here’s the irony. Game-used mouthpieces including some of Curry’s were already being sold for charity. The price they were estimated to go for? $5,000!!! So where’s the incentive to buy now? I mean, charity is great and everything, but who would pay that much for a MOUTHGUARD, when you can pay a little more and go to the game, where you can have a game-used mouthguard hand-delivered to your face by Stephen Curry? This makes me wonder if we can get ahold of some used referee neck braces after the Finals. You know they’ll need them after all the neck injuries from turning their heads after Draymond Green’s fouls. Speaking of bogus products, looks like someone go their Golden State on a little too soon…
Rio De Ja-no-no
We obtained a special press release from the International Olympic Committee regarding this year’s Summer Olympics:
Because of the recent outbreak of Zika in Rio,we have taken a sizeable chunk from our offshore bribe fund to fuel the 2016 Olympic Torch with citronella candles. We feel this is a necessary alternative to vaccines, seeing as the Russians will need plenty of room in their systems for doping.
(Disclaimer: This is NOT an official statement from the International Olympic Committee. This is only intended as a form of satire.)
Oh, and here’s the official mascot for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio: Zikachu!
You Rexy Thang
Rex Ryan is known for many things. Championships is not one of them (unless it’s the Lifetime Achievement Award for Running Your Mouth). Now, he thinks his team won the offseason. Which games, Mr. Ryan? When you played against your own defensive/offense in training camp? Sure! I don’t know though, I think that LeSean McCoy guy was holding back. And that Richie-guy, he seemed to playing Incognito…because we never saw him do anything! Wait, wait…I know what earned you the win! The most ground-breaking, original idea ever: Inviting LeBron James to play for Buffalo!!! C’mon Adidas, I’m waiting for those special edition #23 LeBron James Super Bowl 51 Championship Jerseys!!! Snap to it!!!
…and that’s My Three Cents
1. “You Wanna Mouthpiece of Me?”
2. “Rio De Ja-no-no
3. “You Rexy Thang”