May 23, 2016

Is the Draymond-Almond Flavor Bitter?
    Saturday night, I decided to pose a question to Draymond Green of the Golden State Warriors:
    You see, Draymond Green was snubbed in the 2012 NBA Draft, being picked 35th overall. His career has been really rough ever since, having won only one championship ring, and securing a place in the All-Star game. His inspiration: being able to name all 34 players that wronged him by being drafted ahead of him, like an NBA version of Arya Stark (if you don’t know anything about Game of Thrones, you won’t get that reference).
Anyway, this was his response:
(The sound of crickets chirping is heard)
    Wow. I feel for the guy. Being snubbed hurts. I guess that’s why he has such a bitter taste in his mouth. Or is it because he just finished a cup of the Lemon Crisp Ice Cream?

Padre Knows Best
    At the San Diego Padres game last night, something quite odd occurred. As the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus prepared to deliver the National Anthem before the game, a loud female voice started booming over the stadium’s loudspeakers, attempting to belt out something resembling the Star-Spangled Banner, only with several words missing and no sign of a steady tempo. The Padres organization drew criticism after this error, with allegations of homophobia. How can they be called homophobic? They handle balls every night! Anyway, we were able to obtain an explanation for the technical error. It seems that the stadium announcer pressed his microphone button, instead of the button for the field mics, after asking Siri to recite the lyrics for the Anthem, seeing as he forgot them. That would explain the off-key, lifeless and rhythm-less voice we heard. So, now that that’s settled, let’s go back to the game, and see how many men can help each other get to Home Plate.

Anchor Management
    This is why I am over-qualified for reporting sports news: Awkward Anchor Exchange Live On KRON News
Now I do realize that I am a troll, an absolute satirist when it comes to sports news. There are plenty of sports reporters in the journalism world that are much more professional than I am. This “gentleman” is not one of them. I would have taken the high road. First of all, don’t talk about your own mom. The poor lady has suffered enough raising a pickle like you. Second, “stay in your lane”? You’re reporters from the SAME STATION. You report NEWS. Discuss the news. Elaborate on the story. Start a conversation. This isn’t “Star Search: Journalist Edition”. Third, pick your battles. Fighting over the “Space Jamreboot? Your audience is probably bigger than the audience for “Space Jam” would have been (not so much now, you’re viral buddy!). Later, Mr. Radnich had this to say on Twitter:
    I see your angle now! You wanted a part as the sports anchor in “Space Jam”! I’m sorry, but I can see you as this guy instead:

…and that’s My Three Cents

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