The Washington Obamacares
As you may or may not have guessed from this year’s smattering of television ads and news stories, there is a circus (did I say that out loud? I meant to say “campaign”) to determine the candidates for this year’s presidential election. Obviously, that means President Barack Obama will stepping down next January. Among the things he has considered as a career post-presidency: a basketball team owner. My Three Cents on that? Go for it! He has extensive knowledge of basketball. We all know his players will get free health care, so that won’t be an issue. And we won’t have to worry about him using negative labels for the opposing team in a game. He’ll just called them “The Players Who Are Not On Our Team” instead “Our Division Rivals”. I just hope he doesn’t choose Former Prime Minister David Cameron as his Head Coach. As soon as things start going south for the team, he’ll just resign. Hire Joe Biden as coach. He’ll do whatever you tell him to.
We all know Patriots fans are arrogant, elitist, entitled, Super Bowl drunk, never-wrong, Giant-killing (not) irritants. Now they are teaching their spawn. A young fan somehow got into the football camp ran by Steve Smith of the Baltimore Ravens. Smith almost reacted accordingly:
Dang! He almost went Adrian Peterson on that kid. “I’m gonna…” Gonna what?
Smith quickly warned the kid to be gone from his presence. A unanimous source has told us that Tom Brady has seen this video; he plans to give the boy tickets to the Patriots’ Week 12 game against the Ravens, where he will sit front row by the Ravens’ sideline, and taunt Steve Smith to demoralize him/get him ejected.
Pardon The Power Interruption
Okay, I’ll admit it: I’m a yuge fan of Tony Kornheiser. He is my idol. My inspiration to enter sports journalism. So when I found the opportunity to do a satire of one of his timeless radio show stories, I was both honored and enthralled. You see, a severe line of thunderstorms went through the Washington D.C. area (where Mr. Tony lives) on Tuesday. Across the street from his home, a tree fell down. He called 311 because the tree was pinning down a power line. One of the regulars on his show quipped “I [can] just imagine if we get…the tapes of the audio of the…emergency service”. Well, we at My Three Cents did some digging. Here you go America. You’re welcome.
(Note: Tony Kornheiser will be starting a podcast in September. Go to tonykornheisershow.com to sign up for updates and instructions on how to find and download the show.)
…and that’s My Three Cents
1. “The Washington Obamacares”
2. “True Patriotism”
3. “Pardon The Power Interruption”
The Tony Kornheiser Show 6.22.16