June 1, 2016

Where In The World Is Johnny Manziel?

When you’re a pro football player, and you crash someone’s Mercedes in New York City, what’s the first thing you do? Let’s actually rewind that and ask another question: if you’re a pro football player, WHAT IN THE NAME OF JOE NAMATH are you doing recklessly driving someone else’s luxury vehicle? Oh, okay, I remember now. The question makes total sense if your name is “Johnny Manziel”. So let’s go back to the original question…ah yes the first thing you do is RUN. Run like Ndamakong Suh is chasing you. This epic escapade has forced us to care that over the weekend, Mr. Football himself went missing (shocker). Now, when Johnny Manziel misses his helicopter ride to a party in the Hamptons, it seems like normal behavior. He’s wild, unstable, and unpredictable. The next question (where was he), is a head-scratcher. The confusing part is, who wouldn’t know where to look for him? I mean, if Bill Clinton is missing, call the strip clubs. If the Miami Dolphins haven’t shown up on a Sunday…well, bad example. Anyways, where did Johnny Manziel show up Sunday night, after a long, exhaustive, pointless search? A nightclub. If I ever need a hide-and-seek partner, I know who to call.


The Adventures of Overdog

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a frog?!? No, it’s LeBron James, the hero of the NBA! And he’s not having any of your underdog, or overdog, or in-between dog nonsense! He’s here to save the NBA Championship from Steph Cur Sinister and the evil Klay-Dray brothers! No, Underdogseriously! Here’s a quote from a press conference where James was asked about the Warriors’ place as a favorite among oddsmakers: “Not my concern…I don’t get involved in all of that—underdog, overdog, whatever the case may be. It’s stupidity”. Sorry LeBron, but Stephen Curry & Co. have been unstoppable in both the regular and post-season. It’s not “overdog”. It’s over, dawg.


Shortstop Gets Stopped Short 

When comedy writes itself for you, you have to take advantage. Comedy is hard work! And apparently, so is getting to first base, at least for Francisco Lindor of the Cleveland Indians. After grounding out to second base in the fourth inning, Lindor managed to trip over his own bat. We’re not sure if the PA announcer played “Another One Bites The Dust”. Francisco Lindor laughed it off in dugout, and some are even speculating that it may have been intentional. He is currently in talks to do a Abbott & Costello-esque movie:


…and that’s My Three Cents


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