June 22, 2016

Offensive Driving

Earlier this week, Cleveland Browns frat-boy Quarterback Johnny Manziel claimed to have been a victim of a hit-and-run accident in Dallas Texas…but we aren’t buying it. First of all, Johnny Manziel crashes other people’s cars. Other people don’t crash into his car. Secondly, it couldn’t have happened in Dallas. The only runs Dallas can get are the ones you get after drinking sour milk and eating hot wings. And hits? Their defensive line couldn’t hit a snail with a boulder. Even if it happened, it couldn’t have been Johnny Manziel’s fault. He only hits his girlfriend.


At Least Pirates Get Cool Swords

After 10 years in the NFL, Adrian Peterson is bored. The three remaining years in his current contract are worth $40 million. He recently told ESPN  “Training camp, going through the grind, OTAs and all that — that will definitely be the deciding factor. Physically, body-wise, I’ll be good. It’s just mentally — like with OTAs, I’m out there practicing, I’m going, I’m putting in work. But it’s so repetitive that it’s more suited toward the young guys and getting them into the system. It gets kind of boring.” What do you expect, man? Fireworks? A cheering crowd after you do 1,000 pushups? A parade waiting for you in the parking lot? Okay, okay, if I was playing with the Vikings, I might be bored. They barely try on the actually playing field, so this is probably what they do at practice:vikingspractice

…and that’s My Three Cents


1. “Offensive Driving”


2. “At Least Pirates Get Cool Swords”



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