“I gave my o-linemen shotguns to practice hitting their targets with. I’m tired of feeling like a deer in headlights. Want some deer jerky? It’s homemade”.
– Carson Wentz, Quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles
By Benjamin Brunner
Senior Writer, Executive Producer
Alexander, the gate
When you can’t be electric on the ice, the problem can follow you home. Apparently, Alexander Ovechkin’s Arlington, Va. home lost power on Thursday, making the electric gate to his driveway non-functional, and trapping him inside of his property. The electrician he credited his rescue to was teammate Evgeny Kuznetsov, who came to his house and drove him to the game (I wish my electrician doubled as an Uber). Ovechkin used a ladder to climb over the gate (genius move), while his 66 year old mother looked on and claimed that she could climb over the gate too (so she could play in Ovie’s place and win some shoot-outs for once). You know who I blame? Russian hackers. They meant to lock down the gates at Barrack’s place. Somehow wires got crossed, and the message to trap “the O” was misunderstood as “trap Alexander Ovechkin”. Easy mistake, seeing as they’re both revered in D.C., yet are both flailing at their jobs.
Speaking of people who get paid a lot and don’t do their jobs, Bradley Beal suffered an ankle sprain on Wednesday in a game where the Washington Wizards inched past the Indiana Pacers to win 111-105. This is Beal’s 8th career injury since he was drafted in 2012. It’s becoming like the twelve days of Christmas: (on the 8th game of Wizmas, Bradley Beal game the team…one high ankle sprain!). And they’re paying this guy how much? No wonder food is so expensive at the Verizon Center! They need to fund Beal’s medical bills and supplies somehow! This latest injury highlights the Wizards’ need for a better bench…and I don’t mean for Beal to sit on.
The Last Straw
Ezekiel Elliot is hungry. Obviously, he’s hungry for action on the gridiron. But seriously: I think he’s hungry. After nearly every play, he does that “feed me more” motion with his hands. During a press conference, he shot straw wrappers at Dak Prescott. Was that a signal that it was time to go to Burger King? Even more conspicuous, Dak just happened to have a bag of candy on hand to calm the Zeke-beast. Heck, Zeke even jumped into a kettle during the Dallas-Tampa Bay game. He’s resorted to cooking and eating himself! Really guys, can’t we do a little better for this voracious quarterback? Enter him into one of those hot dog eating contests. Even better, call up Richard Sherman’s mom. She seemed to keep him well-fed on game day. I would say contact Zeke’s mom, but she’s too busy on the morale side of things: Zeke’s Mom’s Twitter .
and that’s My Three Cents.
Benjamin Brunner is a Junior College sportswriter at Chesapeake College in Wye Mills, Md. His articles can be read in the Star Democrat newspaper, and on the Skipjacks Athletic website letsgoskipjacks.com. He is also the host and producer for the “M3Cast”, the official podcast of this site. Benjamin also hosts “Let’s Do Trivia” and “Let’s Do Survey Sez…” for the Let’s Do Entertainment Group on Delmarva (Maryland’s Eastern Shore, Delaware). You can view Benjamin’s resume here: Linkedin
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