By Benjamin Brunner
In the Second Edition of the New York Giants Advice Column, I’d like to first unabashedly and outrageously pat myself on the back (not the backside — that would be sexual harassment) and say: I BELIEVE I HAD THAT!
Back to my sage wisdom. It seems that the also-ran of Manhattan now needs a coach too. Ben McAdoo is now McAdieu, Ben. Next they’ll toss the General Manager. Wait…he’s been booted too? Now if only they’d boot the other bad team. They should replace the stadium marquee with “EVERYTHING MUST GO!”
Speaking of bankruptcy, I can think of a place just two-hundred and seventy-five miles south on I-95 that has EVERYTHING you need. Come to Bruce Allen’s House of Deals! You won’t believe what you see when you flip over the tag on their Quarterback! Only $23.9 million! That’s 20% more than last year! What a deal you could make if you take Kirk Cousins home today! He’s draining us dry! Get him now, before prices go up by 40% next year!
…but seriously, the Giants can afford to sign him. There’s also a guy who appears to not be busy, who used to LOVE coaching Kirk. His name starts with an “M” and ends with an “ike Shanahan”. Pick up Scot McCloughan as your new GM (he also thinks Cousins deserves a big deal [Source] ), and voila! The gang’s all back together in the Big Apple! All you’d need is for the New York Times to run a story about how Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Brad Garrett and Vince Vaughn are now claiming that the name “Giants” is cultural appropriation.
That’s Just My Three Cents