May 10, 2016

Four Quarters (Basketball Edition)
    Yesterday, Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors became the first NBA player in history to become the league’s MVP (Most Valuable Player) by a unanimous vote of 131. Shaquille O’Neal came up short by one vote in 2000, and LeBron James (who was 3rd in overall votes this year) missed the record by just one vote in 2013. I did not contact King James for comment, knowing he would be too busy watching Looney Tunes episodes on repeat to prepare for his upcoming role in “Space Jam 2”.

One…Two…Three Cents Is All We Have Left
    The Washington Nationals announced a huge payday for Stephen Strasburg today. $175 Million, with a 7-year extension and more trimmings than a Thanksgiving dinner. Soon, they’ll be singing “buy me some peanuts and Crackerjacks…no seriously, we’re broke”.

News in the World of Athletes Not Named Stephen

Sam Bradford, notable star of the injury reserve list, former Rams quarterback, and current starting (?) quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles has returned to training camp, after requesting a trade and being fashionably absent from this year’s training camp. In other news, Philadelphia area drug stores are bracing for a shortage in ankle braces and Ace bandages.

…And that’s My Three Cents.

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