May 13, 2016

All Dogs Go To Heaven, and All Cats Go To Los Angeles
    It seems that the LA Angels have a new player. During their game against the Cardinals, a cat wandered onto the field (I told you to pick up your smoked salmon flavored sunflower seed shells, junior!) and started running toward the stands faster than any of the Angel’s outfielders could ever run. I don’t know about this kid. He just came up from the meow-nors. Then again, with only thirteen wins, I guess the Angels could use as many paws on deck as they can get. This just in: the Miami Marlins mascot is taking a personal leave of absence during the team’s series in Los Angeles.

Wimbledons & Bits
    And so, we have reached the end of the world. Where celebrities run for President and Serena Williams posts a video where she tries to defend her choice to try dog food. You can’t make this stuff up: Serena Williams’ Snapchat story about eating her dog’s food Okay so let’s have a little chat, shall we? Firstly, a multi-course meal for a dog? The last (insert here word that rhymes with “witch” and use your imagination boys and girls) I bought a $60 dinner for was my ex-girlfriend. Secondly, you ate WHAT? I don’t care if it looks the same as human food. You don’t see anyone walking into Pier One Imports and eating the plastic apples! Thirdly, the real zinger: why on earth would you tell the INTERNET about the gastronomical consequences??? Then again, I guess she hasn’t dropped that many deuces since her match against Angelique Kerber in the 2016 Australian Open (sorry, I couldn’t resist).

Knock Hard, or Ram the Door Down?
In scanning the sports news of the day, I happened to notice that the first trailer for this year’s season of Hard Knocks was just released. The stars: The Los Angeles Rams. My first thought was “Hollywood, of course they’re going to do a TV show”. It’s going to be the “Football Husbands” alternative to “Basketball Wives”. The trailer shows them unpacking, playing cards, lifting, soaking in what I hope was a hot tub (or should I not hope?), and flinging around something that looked like a cross between a fish and a tire. What’s next? Is Nick Foles going to be the next Napoleon Dynamite? Will Todd Gurley finally show off his ballet skills? (Look up his Jolly Rancher commercial). Will the defense even show up? They didn’t last year. It doesn’t really look like a “hard knock” life for them in this show, but they could always have Johnny Hekker play Little Orphan Annie:

…and that’s My Three Cents

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