That Time Carson Wentz In New Jersey
Bathroom stall locks are hard to operate. So are NFL offenses. Usually quarterbacks end up tweeting about the latter. Not Carson Wentz, Philadelphia’s newest recruit:
Can I take a moment to ask why in God’s name Mr. Wentz was using a bathroom in a gas station? The only people who use New Jersey gas station bathrooms are people who live in New Jersey or oblivious vacationers travelling from Florida to New York who just CAN’T hold it anymore. We investigated further, and found out that the guy with the garden shears was a serial killer, who is still on the run; the guy with the leg kick was Sam Bradford, who tore his ACL in the process and will be out for the next 2-4 weeks.
Let’s just hope Mr. Wentz doesn’t get locked down by the defense. It seems his development as pro-QB has stalled.
It’s All In The Zobrist
The Chicago Cubs are the best team in baseball so far this year. Of course, training is key. Everyone puts in hours of hard work during spring training in Florida…except Ben Zobrist, who obviously trained in Pennsylvania Amish Country, by churning butter:
Watch: The Ben Zobrist Butter Wrist
Even butter…er…better, a Nationals fan behind Zobrist decided to mimic his motions. We spoke with the man later, who turned out to be an employee for a major brand margarine producer, who wanted to take a cue from Zobrist’s technique and make his company’s product even more unbelievable. By the way, haven’t we seen this batting stance somewhere before?
You’re Not The Bosa Me!!!
There has been a long line of legendary sit-outs this year during OTA’s in the NFL. Sam Bradford, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Nick Foles, Joey Bosa…wait…who? Joey Bosa was drafted out of Ohio State during the first round of this year’s NFL draft. He was the Big Ten Defensive Player of the Year and Big Ten Lineman of the Year during his sophomore season. So of course, he wants the best deal he can get. Joey Bosa
wants guaranteed money, the San Diego Chargers don’t want to give it to him, blah blah blah. What has this league come to? Great performance in college and in practice is one thing. Performing in the NFL is another. If you’re lucky enough to get drafted into professional football, you need to prove you worth through your performance before making demands. Joey can’t just Bosa Nova into San Diego acting like he’s God’s gift to the pass rush. Dancing is Victor Cruz’s forte. And he earned it.
…and that’s My Three Cents
1. “That Time Carson Wentz In New Jersey”
2. “It’s All In The Zobrist”
3. “You’re Not The Bosa Me!!!