May 12, 2016

Emmanuel or Automatic?
    As the Denver Broncos offense experiences a significant loss in horsepower, WR Emmanuel Sanders has his own idea for boosting (his) morale:

Denver Broncos wideout Emmanuel Sanders spoke with ESPN’s Hannah Storm on Tuesday and said this:

“You kind of expect that, when a guy gets to free agency, it’s tough not to pass up that kind of money. I’m happy for Brock. I want a Lambo from Brock because I caught a couple of those passes, he got that big deal. So, Brock, I’m expecting a Lambo so Hannah and I can go on a ride.”

Apparently he wants this as a “thank-you gift” from Brock Osweiler, who recently signed a 4-year, $72 million contract with the Houston Texans. I’m sorry Mr. Sanders, how much did you receive in your contract? $15 MILLION. And it’s OS-WEILER not ORPAH-WINFREY. I don’t get a car, you don’t get a car, none of us get a car. I guess it doesn’t hurt to ask, though. Just be sure to get Peyton Manning to insure it for you. Speaking of whom…

Oh, the Antici-Peyton
    There is quite a lot of speculation about what Peyton Manning will do, now that he’s retired. Will he coach the Tennessee Volunteers? Will he join the staff of the Miami Dolphins? My guess is no on that last one. He’s looking to start a new career, not end one. Just please, for the love of God, anything but more Nationwide commercials. I have nothing against the company, nothing! It’s his commercials. The world needs more Chic-ken-Parm-you-taste-so-good as much as I need a Lamborghini. Every time I see one of those commercials, I sing along: I-can’t-take-more-of-this-crap.

In the Next Issue of GRONQ…
    This morning, Rob Gronkowski tweeted an image of the cover of GQ’s June issue. No, it wasn’t a picture of his poor wallet lined with only $2.25 million instead of $4.75 million. The cover was of Gronkowski carrying model Hailey Clauson on his shoulders. It’s not the first time he’s carried a girl on his shoulders (cough-Tom Brady-cough). According to, the article is about “living Gronkishly” and “exist(ing) in a permanent shower of champagne spray and nightclub-foam-party-foam”. I have no idea what either of those things mean. The only foam I care about is the foam on my cappuccino, and it not being on my cappuccino, because I prefer to pay $9 for coffee, not air.

…And that’s My Three Cents.

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