The iconic honeybee mascot of Honey-nut Cheerios disappeared from the box labels of the General Mills cereal early in March, as part of a campaign to raise awareness of the sudden disappearance of honey bees all over the world. Unfortunately, recent events have unveiled a serious cover-up.
This past Thursday, a preseason game between the San Diego Padres and the Colorado Rockies at Peoria Sports Complex in Arizona was invaded by a swarm of bees, possibly led by the missing mascot. Sources who may have been at the complex at the time of the invasion, may have told us they heard barely audible voices saying things such as “Breakfast of Chumpions” and “Be happy, be healthy m—-r f—-rs”. Local authorities have surmised that this may be retaliation for the decades-long “Wheaties campaign”, where the cereal has been touted as the “Breakfast of Champions” and has featured the images and autographs of countless star athletes. The simultaneous disappearance of the mascot and the swarms of honey bees, may also be linked to the swarm that was responsible for the attack Thursday.
So far, no suspects are in custody. Ice-cold milk has claimed responsibility for the deliciousness of both cereals. We reached out to General Mills for comment, who had this to say:
“What in the hell are you talking about?”
My Three Cents will continue to provide details as they become available at local grocery stores.